That’s a Lawsuit Waiting to Happen — Summer 2019

Dear Humans,

We sometimes see our fellow humans doing some – shall we say – head-scratching things. Sometimes worthy of a “Darwin Award”. Other times simply worthy of the observation “that’s a lawsuit waitin’ to happen!”. Enter this column. The idea is simple: capture and share with others “lawsuits waiting to happen”. With the end goal of laughing at them – not with them. If you think that’s harsh, no worries – you can skip to the serious parts of this newsletter. For the remaining folks with senses of humor…. If you happen across a “lawsuit waiting to happen”, please please share it with us at With video or picture if you have either. If we think its funny enough (no, this is not a democracy), we’ll include it in a future edition of this column. You’ll get the credit and become famous. Without further ado, introducing the newest lawsuit waiting to happen:

Customer Sues Hardee’s for Violating his Civil rights by Giving him only 2 Hash Rounds

Sometimes, a lawsuit is waiting to happen not because of merit but simply because people get bent out of shape over the craziest of things. And occasionally those people take to court without consulting an attorney who would reel them back in.

Enter the unhappy customer at a Belmont NC Hardee’s who recently sued Hardee’s for providing only two hash rounds in what he claims was a racially motivated slight. Even after refunding his purchase money.

This article is not about race relations. Indeed, a civil rights lawsuit over hash browns is equally ridiculous regardless of the man’s race. Having said that, in a rare moment of political correctness, I still hesitated to write about this incident. That is, until I read the next detail…. The customer claims he now suffers from cibophobia—a fear of food.

Whoah, whoah, whoah. Hold up. So now the hash browns are the bad guys? What did a hash brown ever do to you? I mean, other than maybe causing a little noise on the way out. But civil rights violations? I’m pretty sure they’re equally harsh on all intestinal tracts. Red, yellow, black, or white, they’re all targets in their sight.

Ultimately, this crazy lawsuit will be dismissed. Even if the customer provides evidence that the “hash brown shakedown” was racially motivated, said customer will not be able to prove any actual harm. No self-respecting medical professional is going to testify that this guy has cibophobia (if that’s even a thing), much less that it was caused by receipt of 2 hash browns rather than 3. Hash brown shakedown 1. Crazy customer 0.

– Lamar Armstrong, III